Insomnia

Oh wow what's something they don't tell you about a deployment? For starters that you won't sleep. I'm sure some people might be able to but I find that without my husband quietly breathing beside me it's impossible for me to sleep. I miss the warmth beside me in the bed and in the first few weeks of deployment, especially, I find myself awake at 2 and 3am,finally falling asleep at 4am but waking up so tired at the most random times that I then spend most of my next day in bed. It's a vicious cycle. Sleeping in until 1 and 2 in the afternoon results in me not being to fall asleep at a normal time and being in bed all day creates this emotional slump that is hard to get out of, I don't like to throw around clinical terms like depression because that's a serious emotional and psychological disease that sufferers have no control over where as me missing my husband and sleeping more than usual is something I can proactively rectify without needing to seek professional help. People say it's about staying busy and it is, for more than one reason, you stay busy to make the days go by quickly but people that have been through the insomnia of deployment know that sleeping all day works to make days pass it's just not healthy, but you should also stay busy because it will exhaust you. And you want to be tired, when it's 9pm you want to feel tired and be ready for bed. I'm the kind of person that can't read in bed to fall asleep because it'll be 4am before I know it and I'm just as wired as if I would have been watching a movie or playing on my tablet. For me I have to just lay in bed, quiet and still until I fall asleep. I know that sounds boring but it's worth it for a normal sleep schedule. Going to school also helps my sleep schedule because I have a mandatory schedule. A place I have to be and a time I have to be there. I love that, because my body responds well to schedules. I have an internal clock that knows when to sleep and wake up and stick to that and I love it. Having class, homework and people to intelligently converse with and learn with makes me happy. Deployment sucks, it really does and missing out on sleep is rough. But it gets better, you just have to force yourself through it. My husband was really supportive when my sleep was at it's worst. He'd tell me that if I was still awake at 4 to stay awake the whole next day so that by 9pm the next day I would be so exhausted I wouldn't have to worry about falling asleep. It was hard but if you are having trouble that does help and I'm so grateful for his advice because on the ship he was having problems sleeping also. So he had sound advice to give. Deployment is rough and there are things you just won't know about until you are going through it. I will try and share as much as I can, and be as open and honest as possible because that's what people need. No one needs the sugar coated, you'll be fine, it'll be over fast crap because you won't always be fine and if you really love your husband it definitely won't be over "fast" but just stick with it. And try to get good sleep.

Any Day But Today,

Kayla C.