Waiting for the call that doesn't come

Waiting all day for a Skype invite the never comes. It happens, and you can't really be mad at anyone. Today it happened to me. I know I was too excited, and put too much importance on it. So maybe I should blame myself for jinxing my own outcome but what am I supposed to do when I find out I might see my husband's face, hear his voice, his laugh after it had been over a month since I'd seen him. Am I supposed to just remain apathetic. He did Facebook me this morning telling my he was having a difficult time finding wifi so I can't blame him, he did try but it just kind of sucks. Now I'm sure he's in bed and feeling just as awful as I am and there was nothing we could have done.

This is one of those deployment things people just don't really tell you about. The fact that it is inevitable to get your hopes up and to be let down. They can't always Skype, the internet on the ship goes down and they can't always email and you are just stuck there, wondering when it will work again. When you will see them again, I did get a few pictures though. I really do have a pretty awesome husband. He was sure to take pictures the last couple of days and send them to me on Facebook so that even if I can't see his face I can have some pictures of him to keep and eventually to scrapbook. I'll talk about that more, but that's a BIG way I get through deployment. Without my scrapbooks I honestly think I'd lose my mind.  I have high hopes that I'll get to see my husband's face tomorrow but who knows,  I can't predict the future and I can only hope that he will find Wifi before his ship leaves again they're back to see. Oh well, that's just one more sucky part of being a Navy Wife, it's not all bad but days like this certainly aren't my favorite. Waiting by a phone or tablet, tied to Wifi. You can't leave or go anywhere because if they call while you were gone that's the worst feeling imaginable so instead you wait for that message that never comes. I can't wait until my husband is home and things go back to our version of normal.

all dolled up and no one to talk to

my hunky BM2 underway

Staying Connected (Annotated Books)

I know this will be written in parts because there is simply no way to cover all the ways to stay connected with your spouse in one blog post but I'll start with the one I've been working on all deployment. One that I know my husband loves and I enjoy myself. 

We are both avid readers, now often we don't read the same things. He loves fantasy fiction and I'm more of a classical fiction, American Literature kind of girl and I mix in some female based young adult fiction here and there. He also reads young adult fiction but mainly male protragonist series. We both read and enjoyed the Hunger Games but we both enjoy dysentopia novels so that's a genre we know we are going to love despite the sex of the main character, similar to the Giver. Which is coming out in theaters soon and I'm really looking forward to seeing when he come home. Despite all the rumors of things that they've changed. But because my husband reads so much on deployment I came up with the idea of annotating books that he might not necessarily pick for himself but that I thought he would enjoy to read first and fill with my own thoughts, comments and ideas and then give to him to read while we is gone. And he loves it, we read often together at home and share what it is we read and what we enjoyed so this is just my way of continuing that together. 

this is literally how we read in bed, side by side, books almost touching. Something about reading together is just so romantic to me. 

here's an example of one of my books filled with notes for my sailor to read underway, every few pages he can read my opinion, my insights and it's a way of sharing someting so special to our relationship still instead of just letting it be taken away. 

MY husband made a valiant effort to annotate some books for me but he ran into a few problems, he doesn't have as much time on his hands, he doesn't read as fast as I do, and he doesn't really like to annotate books. So for him it was quiet a challenge and I don't really have books filled with notes for myself but I've even solved that problem. My husband is a devote fan of the Orson Scott Card series Ender. And I decided that reading those books would bring my closer to him. We saw the movie Ender's Game when it came out and since then I'd wanted to read the book I just wanted to wait for deployment because I had a feeling it would make me feel closer to my husband. And it did, I even annotated that entire book so that I could include it in his care package and he could read my immediate reactions to what I though about his most favorite books. Now that he did for me on his first deployment. He read the Great Gastby and took notes, mostly silly but some incitful and thought provoking and it was such a terrific gift to have. This isn't something for everybody, obviously you and your husband must both be readers to begin with, but you can always find ways to stay connected to your spouse, so long as you put forth the effort you can figure something out. Because trust me once their gone, they're gone and there's nothing you can do about it. 

Social Media During a Deployment

There's a lot that goes into social media during a deployment. For starters you have to follow the rules of OPSEC. Essentially that  basically means not ever saying when or where when it relates to your spouse. Don't say they'll be home in X many months, don't say there currently docked in X port. When in doubt don't say it. Lol

But here are some more tips to using social media as a spouse while your husband is on deployment. 

1. Facebook is not your personal journal- we get it your miss your spouse, heck I wake up every single day and miss mine but you'll be damned if you see me post "poor me" my husband is gone statuses all the time, they tend to be attention seeking and the more you do it the less people care. That just kind of how it works, there are specific pages for military wives to find other wive to support each other through this time, but an arbitrary status about how you miss you husband for the eighth time today get's redundant.

2. When you have other military friends watch what you say- you are not the first person in the world to go through a deployment. It's rough, yes we all know but let's remember that some deployments are longer than others, some spouses have more contact with their SO's than others and when you over share you are throwing your life in someone else's face. I know spouses that get to Skype their husbands every day, where as I haven't heard my husbands voice in over a month so hearing them complain gets to be difficult. Or reading status's about how depressed a wife is that her husband is on an underway is rough when it's been 3 months since you've held your sailor in your arms and they saw theirs last week and he'll be home in a matter or days. A good rule, with most relationships is to just keep your business off the internet. It's okay to miss them but remember someone always has it worse than you and if you're really having a difficult time post to a private support page, otherwise it looks like you're just seeking attention. 

3. Support pages are for support- you'd be surprised the amount of people that post questions that could have easily be answered by google. It get's rather obnoxious when there are people that are really having problems but their post gets pushed down because someone wants anniversary present ideas. Now one, no one knows you or your spouse so how would they help you pick a gift but two that's something you can google or look up on Pinterest, I'll admit that's not my best example but join some of these pages and you'll see what I'm talking about right away. 

Facebook and Instagram can be a great way of keeping up to date with you SO, they can post pics in port and you can use these sites to share pictures and communicate, but just be responsible. The last thing you want is a deployment getting pushed back because you shared secret information and put the lives of all the sailors on the ship in danger because someone asked when or where he's coming home and you didn't think it would hurt to tell them over the internet. Like I said before, when in doubt, just don't. And if you really want to know you can always GOOGLE Opsec and you'll find tons of information. Happy Tweeting,

Kayla

Here are a few extra links to check out if you're still a little confused about the rules of OPSEC, please look at theses if you're unsure because this really is important. 

http://www.dodea.edu/offices/safety/opsec.cfm

http://spousebuzz.com/blog/2012/07/6-surprise-opsec-donts.html

This is a course to help you if you're still a little foggy about the rules. I think it's the easiest way to learn these guidelines and solidify them in your mind. 

http://cdsetrain.dtic.mil/opsec/

Counting Down Deployment

Here's a delicious chicken sweet and sour donut

This is the empanada stranger, I was obsessed with the beef! YUM

How can you say no to all this goodness!

Insomnia

Oh wow what's something they don't tell you about a deployment? For starters that you won't sleep. I'm sure some people might be able to but I find that without my husband quietly breathing beside me it's impossible for me to sleep. I miss the warmth beside me in the bed and in the first few weeks of deployment, especially, I find myself awake at 2 and 3am,finally falling asleep at 4am but waking up so tired at the most random times that I then spend most of my next day in bed. It's a vicious cycle. Sleeping in until 1 and 2 in the afternoon results in me not being to fall asleep at a normal time and being in bed all day creates this emotional slump that is hard to get out of, I don't like to throw around clinical terms like depression because that's a serious emotional and psychological disease that sufferers have no control over where as me missing my husband and sleeping more than usual is something I can proactively rectify without needing to seek professional help. People say it's about staying busy and it is, for more than one reason, you stay busy to make the days go by quickly but people that have been through the insomnia of deployment know that sleeping all day works to make days pass it's just not healthy, but you should also stay busy because it will exhaust you. And you want to be tired, when it's 9pm you want to feel tired and be ready for bed. I'm the kind of person that can't read in bed to fall asleep because it'll be 4am before I know it and I'm just as wired as if I would have been watching a movie or playing on my tablet. For me I have to just lay in bed, quiet and still until I fall asleep. I know that sounds boring but it's worth it for a normal sleep schedule. Going to school also helps my sleep schedule because I have a mandatory schedule. A place I have to be and a time I have to be there. I love that, because my body responds well to schedules. I have an internal clock that knows when to sleep and wake up and stick to that and I love it. Having class, homework and people to intelligently converse with and learn with makes me happy. Deployment sucks, it really does and missing out on sleep is rough. But it gets better, you just have to force yourself through it. My husband was really supportive when my sleep was at it's worst. He'd tell me that if I was still awake at 4 to stay awake the whole next day so that by 9pm the next day I would be so exhausted I wouldn't have to worry about falling asleep. It was hard but if you are having trouble that does help and I'm so grateful for his advice because on the ship he was having problems sleeping also. So he had sound advice to give. Deployment is rough and there are things you just won't know about until you are going through it. I will try and share as much as I can, and be as open and honest as possible because that's what people need. No one needs the sugar coated, you'll be fine, it'll be over fast crap because you won't always be fine and if you really love your husband it definitely won't be over "fast" but just stick with it. And try to get good sleep.

Any Day But Today,

Kayla C. 

Capstone

I'm taking a course to finish up my associates degree and it's called a capstone. Essentially the purpose of this course is to show what I've learned through my general education at the community college that I'm currently going to. The assignment for this entire class is a project. And that's basically it. Most people, including myself were confused by the excessively vague directions. There is no rubric, no common goal other than to show what we've learned through out our college careers and use those skills to develop and entire project. At first I was completely lost, how on Earth am I ever going to pick a topic when the possibilities are endless. But I talked to my mom, she understands the way that I think and when I told her about the assignment she knew I was completely lost with such a broad range of potential but she came up with an awesome idea. "Surviving Deployment." This isn't my first deployment and it probably won't be my last but each has it's own difficulties, it's own struggles and set backs. And I immediately began coming up with ideas. I knew what I could do, the options and where I could take this assignment was really fascinating and I was excited. I would write a blog. I'd already had a few written from when I'd originally gotten my tablet and downloaded the Blogger app but I was too intimidated to post any of them. Hence why some of them are from back in February or March but have Updates that I've written. They aren't much, the grammar is lacking and since the Blogger app doesn't really show spelling mistakes that's definitely apparent throughout the earlier posts but instead from now on I'm going to type them in pages and then paste them into Blogger and add pictures and or videos from there. This is exciting for me, and I don't plan on stopping just because my course ends. I have a lot to say and sometimes decent advice, especially for those going through their very first deployment. This is my second and although I face many of the same challenges I can see the light at the end of the rainbow more clearly and I know more about what to expect and how to handle certain situations. No one is perfect though, especially not me. I'm hard headed, I don't make friends very well, I talk A LOT (too much for some peoples liking) and I'm very opinionated. But if you'd like honestly, someone that won't sugar coat this, someone that won't tell you that it's easy and you'll get through it and be strong every day and that they'll "be home before you know it" then I encourage you to read this, write comments, ask questions because honestly most of those military support pages won't tell you the truth, they'll feed you best wishes and a whole bunch of opinions but they don't want you to know that crying yourself to sleep in a bed alone, clutching their pillow after 2 months wishing something in your house still smelled like them is normal and to expect it. They won't tell you that you have to put your big girl panties on and get out of the house the FIRST day in order to keep yourself from falling into a depression and staying in bed eating butterfingers and drinking Dr. Pepper all day while watching marathons of Netflix shows, mine was Grey's Anatomy. It's okay, but it's easy to go from okay to not answering your phone and not coming out of your room. Essentially refusing to face the world. But one thing I remind myself in the worst of times is that deployments always end. No matter what it will end, your SO will come home and you can return to your strange lives together. I won't say "life as normal" because heck what's normal anyways, well I look forward to this project and hopefully learning more about myself in the process. 

Any Day But Today,

Kayla