My Identity

I've noticed as a navy wife that sometimes it is difficult to maintain your own seperate and unique identity. Especially for those who live far away from friends and family (far away means no less than 6 hours in my book). When you relocate to a new town and the only friends you make are apart of the FRG or around base you fall deeper into the "Navy Wife" pit. Please don't get me wrong I love my sailor and being married to him but there is much more to who I am than just being his wife. I've found that going to school, maintaining a social life outside of command functions and keeping in good contact with family helps me to remain true to myself. When my husband and I first moved to his command I fell into a deep depression, I had no friends and since my husband had heard some vicious rumors about wives in the FRG he didn't want me to be apart of it. After several months I finally made friends with a few ship wives that seemed alright but it was different, I'd never had married friends, I never had friends with kids. I recognized myself less and less as time went on. 

When my husband deployed is when I discovered just how lost I really was. I was enrolled in college with a full 16 credit hour course load and loving it. I made straight A's, raised my GPA and made the Dean's list. After my second semester I felt amazing, I had my confidence back and my sense of purpose. It wasn't until a month before my husband was to return from his first deployment that my fear set in. I was afraid to find my husband had changed from his time at sea, I was afraid to lose myself all over again in the world of the Navy. My anxiety grew as the days drew closer, I didn't tell my husband what I was thinking. I didn't want him to think that I wasn't elated to have him home. I love my husband more than seems possible. We do everything together, the idea of losing any aspect of that relationship was terrifying. Needless to say we were fine, and I told him once he was home of my fears only to find out that he was feeling the exact same way.

The Navy puts dependents in an awkward position. We aren't in the military but we are subject to what  happens in the military and in our spouses careers. And often we fall prey to losing ourselves in all the jumble of moving, deployment, pomp and circumstance. Sometimes we just have to remember who we were before they signed their contracts, growth is a good thing but when your entire life revolves around your spouses advancements and they accomplishments at the end of the day you really don't have much to say for yourself.