When my husband deployed is when I discovered just how lost I really was. I was enrolled in college with a full 16 credit hour course load and loving it. I made straight A's, raised my GPA and made the Dean's list. After my second semester I felt amazing, I had my confidence back and my sense of purpose. It wasn't until a month before my husband was to return from his first deployment that my fear set in. I was afraid to find my husband had changed from his time at sea, I was afraid to lose myself all over again in the world of the Navy. My anxiety grew as the days drew closer, I didn't tell my husband what I was thinking. I didn't want him to think that I wasn't elated to have him home. I love my husband more than seems possible. We do everything together, the idea of losing any aspect of that relationship was terrifying. Needless to say we were fine, and I told him once he was home of my fears only to find out that he was feeling the exact same way.
The Navy puts dependents in an awkward position. We aren't in the military but we are subject to what happens in the military and in our spouses careers. And often we fall prey to losing ourselves in all the jumble of moving, deployment, pomp and circumstance. Sometimes we just have to remember who we were before they signed their contracts, growth is a good thing but when your entire life revolves around your spouses advancements and they accomplishments at the end of the day you really don't have much to say for yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment